Courage, Fear, and Adoption

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.”

Mark Twain

I like this quote. I know it's true. Yet, I spend so much of my life trying to keep fear away from me. I know fear is not from the Lord, yet I also know that it cannot be "mastered" if I avoid it either. The only way fear can become courage is to release it to the Lord. And sometimes releasing it to the Lord looks like walking right into the thing I fear most.

Ross and I have a passion and calling to adopt children. I feel so sure of this, yet sometimes fear holds me back. Yes, we already have 3 adopted kids, and if I felt like God was calling us to adopt another child in the exact same way we adopted Sam, Jude, and Naomi, then things would be peachy keen. Alas, it seems as if He is not, therefore, the fear. Also with the fear is uncertainty and confusion.

The world of adoption is overwhelming...there are so many options and choices and needs. Oh, the overwhelming sea of need. I could drown in that sea. All those sweet little faces of every color all over the world. All those little bodies needing a hug. All those little minds wanting to learn and grow and do kid things rather than survival things. Yes, that sea is vast and deep.

Then there are all the slightly older kids repeating the patterns of their parents. Getting pregnant outside of marriage, having abortions, etc, etc. That is a vast sea as well. Then there is this new sea of need...the frozen embryos. These lives just freshly knit together sitting somewhere waiting for a stomach to grow it. Sitting there because so many couples who could have adopted, couples who wanted a little baby to love and hold; wanted a baby to love and hold that looked just like them. They didn't want to go get one of these millions of other little ones who needed to be held and rocked. So they turned to science and medicine. And now there are too many of them. Science couldn't do it just right so now there are too many embryos for that couple. They just want one or two. Oh, how sad it is.

I’m not here to judge people who have done IVF. I’m really not. But I am trying to show another perspective, one that is often overlooked. I know infertility is a touchy, difficult subject. Yet, I feel qualified to speak on it since we (Ross and I together, not me alone) are, according to the doc, infertile. But what does that even mean? It's such a yucky science-y word. I think it means that the Lord saw fit to close my womb. The Bible is clear that the Lord is in charge of the womb and yet I also know that infertility is a result of the fall. So why? Why would he do that? Or why would He allow it? He allowed it in our family so we could be freed up to go on a holy mission from God to adopt just one or two or three or six little lives out of that vast, vast sea of need.

Why are there so many orphans?

Why are there so many adoptable children?

Why are there so many abortions?

Why are there so many frozen embryos?

Why are there so many foster children?

Why are there so many infertile couples all over the place?

I think that one of those questions is actually an answer to the rest of those questions. There are so many infertile couples, yes. Well, those couples who desire children could make a pretty sizeable dent in the never ending sea of need.

I don't think infertile couples are the only way to meet that need. I think every Christian is called to consider adoption. The call and command to orphan care, is after all, throughout the Bible, and it is rarely if ever connected in scripture to infertility. But, particularly with couples going through infertility…it seems so obvious to me. But I don't say that with coldness or judgment. I have sat on the other side. The side of wanting children and wondering whether I will love that child that didn't come from my body as much as I would love a child that did. I get it. But, now that I am on this side, I know that you do. You will. God does it.

Having a baby come from your own body is called “natural” or “biological.” I want adoption to become the new natural. At least for Christians, it should be more natural to us. Unless you are a Jewish Christian, then you are adopted. You are adopted. You have been adopted. Before you were adopted, you were sitting alone somewhere, hurting, needy, dirty, and full of problems. But God came in and said, "I want her. She looks perfect.” “I want him. He looks like my son.” “ Oh, and here is your brother. He is the Savior of the world.” How can we not, as Christians, be moved by that? It is not a metaphor. It's not a cute word picture. It's actual. It happened. Jesus' scars are the adoption certificate.

So, knowing that, how can I avoid adoption? I can't. But it doesn't change the fear that crops up when I think of all the unknowns. Whoever you are, whatever you are considering, the fear will look different. I don't fear adopting a little brown newborn baby from Texas. I can do that. But it’s looking like God wants Ross and I to adopt differently this time. We are considering Ethiopia. We are considering adopting an older child. We are considering adopting a sibling group. We are considering adopting a child with special needs. We are considering all of these unknowns. So if you are reading this and you've never adopted, and adopting a little brown newborn baby from the US scares you, I understand. It's your unknown. It's my known so I have, in a sense, "mastered" the fear. I have courage in this one area of adoption. But I am desperately trying to have courage in the other areas. God knows that He will probably have to walk me right into the middle of it all before I overcome the fear. I can resist it only for so long. But I trust Him. I have to. He has given me living proof of his abundant blessings in the form of three little people in my home. People I love so much, I would die for them. People who grew in other women's bodies, who wouldn't have been mine if I hadn't resisted the fear just long enough to go and get them. People who wouldn’t have been mine if Ross and I had been able to conceive “naturally.”

He can do the same for you.

He will do it again for us.

He will do it for all those who will step out in faith and say yes to adoption.