We're Moving.

Somehow tucked into the seemingly warp speed pace our life seems to take, we have embarked upon another major life change. After 9 years in our lovely, old home, we are moving. It snuck up on me, which, I suppose is for the best. I can be incredibly, annoyingly deliberate when making decisions. My family and close friends know this about me. Thankfully as I get older I get better at doing it, but for the most part, when big or important or largely consequential decisions come our way I still fall somewhere on the scale between complete paralysis to "hesitant yet resigned immediately followed by second guessing and/or buyer's remorse." Add to the fact that I am fairly sentimental and prone to dislike change, and this could be a recipe for some tears and stress. I cannot deny, however, that God has led us through the past couple of months very carefully and gently.

When we bought our current house, it just fell into our lap. We weren't house shopping or looking. Ross' parents called us becuase they knew it was going to be on the market soon. We saw it and were able to buy it before it ever officially went up for sale. That was in 2000. 9 years, 2 remodels, and 3 kids later, we are moving out. I am very sad. I know this is exciting, but right now I am sad. I know that our real home and citizenship is with Jesus, but on this earth, right now, Meadow Lane feels like home. These old walls and creaky wooden floors hold alot of memories and sweat and TLC. I have painted and re-painted these walls many times. I have watched my kids learn to crawl on these hard, wooden floors and later listened as their footsteps echoed up and down the hallway. I have spent countless hours sitting on our porch in the swing enjoying our beautiful yard and I am sad that this chapter is closing. I know we are outgrowing this house. It is perfect for a younger family just starting out. I know that if we feel called to have more children (which we do), then we need a little more house. All of that is true. But it will be hard to move on.

I like my neighborhood. It's close to everything and to lots of friends. I love my huge yard. We have woods. In town. And I am officially leaving it. Every day is different in how I feel. One day I am so excited and can't stop thinking about the thousand ways I am going to make the new house look cute. But the next day I can't stop crying about how it doesn't feel like home or that I don't want to live in a new neighborhood. I feel a little bit crazy.

Our new house is huge. It is definitely a God-given miracle to us. For whatever reason, this really old, really big house was in our price range and we bought it. It's done. We closed on the new house last week. The house is in an older neighborhood in North Bryan. It's a really cool house with lots of character--the kind of house I like. It needs a lot of work. I need a lot of faith. I don't know how to do this at this stage of life. How does one fix up a house and move with 3 little kids? It seems impossible most days. I don't know how much time to spend thinking about the house and working on it and how to balance that with being present and "with" my kids. I also don't know how to deal with the unknown and things that I am not excited about. Some days I am even upset about all of it. Does that make me not thankful? I think I am thankful, but I don't know why it's so hard for me to let go.

I also don't know how to deal with the issue of permanence and time. I can't help but think about/wonder how long we will live in this new house. Is this it? Will we live here til our kids are grown? Until we're 70 years old? Or is this another transition? A 3 to 5 year house? Why am I even thinking these things? We haven't even moved in yet and some days I'm already on to the next home. And I don't even like change. I think this way and don't know why. Why do I need to know right now if we will live here in 3 years or 20? I don't think I should wonder about that, but I can't help it. I think about it all the time. It seems to affect how much I want to do to the house. How much money to invest into it. Should we save up and remodel the kitchen? If we're living here for 20 years, then yes. For 3 years, then no. I can't figure out how to see this house and how to invest accordingly. I don't even live there yet, but can't figure it all out.

So, that's where we're at. It's been a long time since I wrote anything on here, but lots and lots of things have been going on and are coming up. I want to catch up on writing about ...our trip to Colorado in August, Naomi's upcoming court date, more about the move, my kids birthdays coming up. Com church camp. All of that is in my head...not sure how much will make it onto the blog!